Horizon at Sandy Point

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The next 30

I am thinking about death. Well, not exactly the moment of dying, or what it might be like to be dead. Dead might be just another state of being; and probably just means being "dead" to the state we are accustomed to, and the people and creatures that have an awareness of us at the particular time of our existence. The moment of dying on the other hand seems fraught with fear - all the fears that we experience or anticipate waiting for us for that moment when we pass through that last door - pain, loss, the unknown, hell or heaven, judgement. I don't think people resist death because they are scared; I think there are other reasons that souls cling to life. That's another discussion.

What I am really thinking about is the rest of my life. This is likely to be as much as all my adult life already lived, or much less. The uncertainty is exciting. Would I be doing what I am doing now if...

My next career waits. What is it that I can bring the experiences, the who-I-really-am, the learning of a lifetime, to? How shall I "apply" or prepare to enter this new enterprise, at a time when the thing that I know with the greatest certainty is how much I have dabbled in a lot of different things, and how little I actually know about so much!

The last year of paying attention has brought a lot of insights into this "who-I-really-am." Calm and patience were always there but to know what it looks like on the inside is a revelation. Sometimes it simply means staying out of the way of others, sometimes it's "speak when asked;" sometimes "just do as you are told;" but mainly it's about activating that "me" that does pay attention, which is mainly observer, processor, dreamer, immutable and unsleeping.

So what shall it be? How shall I fill the days before I slip into oblivion? Here's my start up list, in no particular order. Improve the house. Make a garden. Grow food. See the Pacific. Write the book. Learn to make chocolate. Create my own business. Heal someone.

Not exactly wild!

To be continued.

1 comment:

  1. ...thoughs that everyone at this age encounter, and one really has to adopt a certain philosophy at this time in life,...and that is to use the wealth of experience one has had already in life and make it into a real luxury,...spending your time in doing the things that make you really happy,whether it be economically rewarding or for pure pleasure... but most of all make it self gratifying inkeeping with an eternal bond with your loved ones and the world around you.........have a great day...